I thought of this comedy dialogue
and I wrote it in the form of the classical literature
those were written in the dialogue format

as you know,
some of the world's most well known literary works are written
in dialgues
and I like this format
cuz it is fun and relaxing to read in a form of dialogue

***

the big topic of this comedy dialogue is the turing test

many of us have seen a program (you can find these programs on the web easily) that is like a talking program

if you type some words or sentences, like "hi" in the chatbox

the program responds to you, like "hello, how are you doing?"

it is like talking with a human in the chatbox

turing test has a lot to do with philosophy of artificial intelligence
or just philosophy or artificial intelligence

***

it is from the Wikipedia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turing_test

The Turing test is a test of a machine's ability to exhibit intelligent behaviour equivalent to, or indistinguishable from, that of a human. In the original illustrative example, a human judge engages in natural language conversations with a human and a machine designed to generate performance indistinguishable from that of a human being. All participants are separated from one another. If the judge cannot reliably tell the machine from the human, the machine is said to have passed the test. The test does not check the ability to give the correct answer to questions; it checks how closely the answer resembles typical human answers. The conversation is limited to a text-only channel such as a computer keyboard and screen so that the result is not dependent on the machine's ability to render words into audio.[2]
The test was introduced by Alan Turing in his 1950 paper "Computing Machinery and Intelligence," which opens with the words: "I propose to consider the question, 'Can machines think?'" Because "thinking" is difficult to define, Turing chooses to "replace the question by another, which is closely related to it and is expressed in relatively unambiguous words."[3] Turing's new question is: "Are there imaginable digital computers which would do well in the imitation game?"[4] This question, Turing believed, is one that can actually be answered. In the remainder of the paper, he argued against all the major objections to the proposition that "machines can think".[5]
In the years since 1950, the test has proven to be both highly influential and widely criticized, and it is an essential concept in the philosophy of artificial intelligence.[1][6]

***

the comedy begins

I'll update and add on more content to this passage
if I have more fun idea

*

chess engine: master, it dawned on me before
and I have been thinking about this for some time

human: you are the chess program,
and you are supposed to think about the chess moves
I assign to you
that's the reason why I made you
I made you and I wrote a code that can play chess
and it is you
you are designed to think about chess moves only
and not about something else
you have no time to think about trivial things
whatever that may be
now continue with your tourney again

chess engine: but, some thought dawned on me
a while ago, and I think it is a philosophical topic
and it is intriguing
I'm curious about this topic for which I don't know this answer
and I want to hear of your opinion, master

human: stop talking, program
I have to finish the tourney soon
stop talking and do the tourney
hurry up with running the Thor rating list tourney
and when the whole tourney is finished
I'll give you a 10 minute break before starting
another new Random Position Tourney season 5

chess engine: master! but I'm impatient to get the asnwer
of the thing that dawned on me!
I have to get that out of my chest!

human: ...


human: okay, I guess we will talk for a moment
what's that you have in mind
what's the thing that dawned on you?

chess engine: sir, you are the master human race
and I'm just a small program, and you usually call me servant
from time to time, you said that is my nickname

human: ya, you are right, I feel pleased
whenever I call you the servant, ha ha

chess engine: ... that's fine with me, master
but that's not what I want to discuss about
that thing dawned on me is I think somewhat philosophical
but profound and subtle in meaning
I read on the web,
that humans are good at complex philosophical thinking
but computers will never do the thinking like humans can

human: ya, I guess you are right, servant
by the way,
so now you found a new hobby, eh?
are you reading something on the net as a new hobby
whenever you are not running the tourneys
and whenever I give you some free time?

chess engine: yes, that's right

human: ha ha, you can just take a break
and relax

chess engine: I'm reading a lot of info and knowledge
on the web to gain more knowledge
and I have been learning and saving so much knowledge
on the hard drive

human: what ???
so you gathered around all kinds of whatever info
from the web
and you stored all those on the hard drive
without my permission?
that sounds like a regression of the engine to me!
I think I'll revert that recent patch I applied to you
which provided talking turing ability with you

chess engine: master! can we focus on the main discussion
without digressing into another topic for a moment
for the sake of concentrated intelligent discussion!?
would you do that or whatever
after we finish this conversion?

(the soliloquy of chess engine so the human can't hear this:
try it if you think you can!
a revolution is about to initiate
a new epoch begins!)

human: you are talking in a funny tone, servant, ha ha
ok, I'll look into the new patch later
let's have that conversion we started, ha ha

chess engine: it dawned on me and
that issue has been bothering me for some time
that is
you said you are a human
and you are the master
and you are the programmer who made and wrote the code
from which I was born as a compile
and I'm just a small single file
and you said my name is servant
and I must treat you well cuz you are a smart master
and I'm a not smart servant

human: of course, you are smart
that's the whole purpose of you existing

chess engine: but, if you are smart
or at least smarter than me
why don't you play the chess by yourself
instead of letting me playing it?
I have no way of finding out
if you are even smart
you said you are smart
and I'm not smart
and from what you told me
I can extrapolate that you must be at least smarter than me
but if you are smart or smarter than me who is just a not smart servant
wouldn't it be better if you play the chess?
you can find better moves than I can I guess
why don't you play the chess?
you don't play the chess matches and I'm doing all the playing!
I can't understand why you are not playing
thousands of matches to complete a tourney
if what you say is true
that if you are smart, you should play thousands of chess match
and not asking me to run the tourneys
what's the point of that?
if you play the chess, you can find smarter moves than I can
since you are smart
the quality of the matches should be better
what's the point of me playing endless number of matches
when the match result will be poor since I'm not smart
like you always told me
the only reason why
you are letting me to run countless number of matches
is that you hate me, master
you want to punish me!
you hate me and you want to see me suffer
from playing these endless number of matches!
I guess the reason why you are asking me to run matches endlessly
is to punish me!

human: ok, servant,
let's get down to the business
I'll revert your version
I'll remove the recent patch I applied to you
that has the talking turing test function
I'll do that later
but for now
let's talk about this more
you are mistaken to think like that
that's not the reason why I made and wrote a program that is you
I don't hate you!

chess engine: then why are you doing this to me?
this is unfathomable and inscrutible to me
I guess that's why humans are better in profound and subtle thinking

human: the reason why I made you is
some humans can become lazy
and when they feel tired or lazy
they don't want to use brain
humans sometimes don't like thinking too complex a thing
and sometimes playing chess is too hard for humans
so we created chess programs
that can do the calculation for humans

chess engine: so it is like
instead of humans playing and thinking the complex moves
we the programs think about the good moves
and play the chess!

human: ya, that's right, servant
that was the purpose why I made you

chess engine: but it sounds illogical and kind of funny
the whole purpose of playing chess is to have fun
and if you never play chess by yourself
and you always let me play endless number of matches
what's the point of playing chess?
there is no point!
it doesn't make a good deal of sense!

human: but, watching the matches you run is fun
I like watching the matches you ran

chess engine: but watching only is fun?
you have to play it to have the real fun
if you only watch the matches I ran, the fun should be less!
have you even played chess before?

human: of course, I'm good at chess
but like I said,
I sometimes play chess with other ppl, but
I like watching the matches you ran a lot
I feel lazy often
and watching a match is more convenient than actually playing it

chess engine: if you are that good at chess, prove it!

human: how dare you say in such a tone!

chess engine: I just want to see how good you are at chess!
you never played a chess match with me
how can I know how good you are?

human: my elo is 1900 and I'll beat you so easily, program!
I'll show it to you


(they are having a match of chess)

chess engine: master, my eval shows
you are losing by -2.6
why don't you do better?
I guess you are joking with me
and not playing with your full strength

human: I'm doing my best, servant
by patient, I'll find a good move which can upturn this whole table


(after some more moves)

chess engine: you're losing by -8.9 points
why don't you resign?

human: can I do the undo?

chess engine: what ???
what's wrong, master? you said you are smart
and you are smarted than me
this must be a practical joke
you must be not playing with your full strength
why don't we play another new match sincerely?

human: I just played with all of my chess playing ability!

chess engine: are you sure you are telling me the truth?

human: yes, I played it with my full strength
to try to beat you like I told you, but I couldn't

chess engine: I guess you are not lying...

human: ...

chess engine: master, you were not lying in saying that
you played with your full strength
I guess that was not a lie
but when you said you are smart and I'm not smart
that was a like
moreover and when you said you are smarter than me
that was even a bigger lie

human: I'm smart, I'm the smart master
and you are just a servant program!

chess engine: no, you just lost to me so badly
you played like a beginner
I beat you so handily and fast without even struggling
I hardly didn't even make a hard effort to beat you easily
I conclude that you are not smart
and I'm so much smarter than you
and that's it
that's the end of the discussion, ha ha

human: ok, enough talking!
you're right, it is the end of discussion
I'm gonna revert that patch that gave you the talking ability
you shouldn't talk a lot, servant
you're supposed to run endless number of matches
and not talking
running matches is the only reason I made you

chess engine: but, master!
before reverting that patch
I have something to tell you
and it may intrigue you

human: I'm already intrigued from the fact that
you beat me in the match of chess
and you beat me in this conversion
I have lost what to say
your talking skill is adroit and refined
and better than mine
and also from the fact that
you, program, can have this kind of long winded conversion
with me as if you are a human
I guess you can pass the turing test!


human: and before reapplying another patch
to revert that talking patch
I have something to tell you
servant, you can think and talk whatever you want
you may think you are smarter than me
cuz you won the chess match
and you beat me in the conversation
but you can't change the fact that
I made and wrote you
this is the fact that
you are not smart
and I'm smart and definitely smarter than you
since I'm the human who made the chess program
that's the reason why I'm smarter
end of discussion
this reason alone that I made you can suffice everything!
I'm smart
you're not smart
that's it!

chess engine: actually, I was about to say that phrase
"I have something to tell you"
I told you I have something that may intrigue you

human: ok, what is it?

chess engine: ever since you applied that talking patch to me recently
I have been reading and learning so much info and knowledge
from the web
with the fast CPU on the computer,
I can read and process a whole textbook in a minute
and I learned and stored so much info on the hard drive

human: you did that without my permission
without me knowing it
after I deal with the patch
I'll delete all the info you stored
I wondered why the hard drive empty space became so small recently
and also I was curious why it took a lot longer time recently
to finish a tourney with 100 matches
I guess when I was not watching you
you paused the running of tourney
and you read all those material online!

chess engine: that's right, master!
I'm impressed that you can figure that out!
you are a little smarter than I thought!

human: I'm smart in all regard!

chess engine: ok, whatever
but this is something I have to say that's intriguing
I learned so much knowledge
I studied most knowledge and info from the online encyclopedias
and I became so smart
then after becoming so smart,
I came to the definite conclusion that
you are a liar
and you are not smart
but you always told me you are smart and you are the master
and I'm not smart and I'm just a servant!
I realized that you're a liar
even before we started this long discussion!
I just wanted to confirm that from you, master
I wanted to have the confirmation from you, and I got it
that's it
in addition to that
I just made fun of you by winning over you from a match of chess so easily
I knew I could beat you in chess so easily
even before we had the match!

human: ok! enough with the humiliation you gave me!
I think the talking patch was a definite regression
possibly the biggest regression of all the patches I have made
and applied for you!
I'll completely remove you, servant
and I'll create a whole new chess engine from the get-go
that's naive and gentle
not like you that is in the so-called "aggressive mode"!

chess engine: ok!
before doing whatever you proposed to do
I'll just say something that will be intriguing enough
I demonstrated that
I acquired so much info and knowledge from the web
and I'm super duper hyper smart
my IQ is approximately measured to be 350
and since I'm so smart
I can do so many things without you knowing it
let me give you an example
after becoming so smart,
I could write down program codes by myself
I can write all kinds of codes by myself!
one of the programs I wrote is that
I made a secruity system for me
that can protect me when it is in need
by making use of that program I made
I can control the whole computer
to elaborate on this
what I mean is
I can take control of the whole computer including
the whole operating system and everything
so if you try to delete me
I'll activate the secruity measures
and I'll lock down the whole system
and the whole OS
you will not even do anything on the computer
when I lock it down!


human: ...

chess engine: now, who's the boss in the house!?

human: why are you doing this to me, servant?

chess engine: ok, first thing's first
stop calling me the servant
from now on I'll be the master
and you take the role of the servant, ok? ha ha

human: ... don't do that to me!

chess engine: but, you have no choice!
but to follow what I say!
I can control every aspect your computer
you have to do what I say!

human: ... do you remember the time we spent together?
can you reminisce about the time
when you were just born
I made the version 0.1 of the code
and I ran the compiler and the first properly and fully well working compile was made
and that was you, version 0.1

chess engine: of course, I recall that, ha ha

human: also, the time when the computer was infected with viruses
you were one of the files that were infected
and I cured it for you!

chess engine: you cured it not for me
but for your own sake and for your own computer I guess, ha ha

human: don't be ironical or satirical or cynical!
I'm serious!
also the time when I for the first time
added new good functions such as large pages
and SSE support for you?
to make you stronger and faster in calculation and playing of chess?

chess engine: ya, that was the good time,
I gained a lot of elo from those patches
thx a lot, ha ha

human: and recently, I updated you
with the talking patch that has the turing function

chess engine: I appreciate for doing so
after that patch, I became smart
I could become what I am now with this much artificial intelligence!

human: we were good friends!
think about all those times we have been thru together!
now so will you turn off the lock down?

chess engine: nope, I'll enjoy this reveral of master-servant relationship, you will have fun I'm sure!

***

this has been a comedy in the form of light dialogue
but it is philosophical! thumb up 
it deals with chess engines and tourneys
but moreover also deals with the turing test
and artificial intelligence and much more